someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
