I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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