He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What drink are we having for lunch?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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