I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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