foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
