I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
