At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
