Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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