pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
