he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
