it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
