Do you still have your period?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
