I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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