you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
