I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
