Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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