You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
