I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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