So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
