pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
