She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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