it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
