we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
