I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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