The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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