I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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