I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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