Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
