last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
