Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
