I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
