I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had to cum in my sink.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
