i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
