Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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