at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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