Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
