Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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