my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
