and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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