yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
