He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
