Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
