wanna go halves on a baby?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
