i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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