you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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