My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
