Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
