rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
