So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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