My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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