She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
