She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have fence marks all over my body
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
