she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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