when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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