Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
