walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
