She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
