called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
