Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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