Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
