This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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