I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
