Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
