i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
