hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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