he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
