Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
